First line community review

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Adam L.V. Ellis Author 1 month ago

The first line or paragraph is always one of the toughest, but most important lines to perfect a book. So I thought we might be able to share and review each other's first lines (or paragraphs)

One of my most recent opening lines is ↓
This catastrophe all started with two of my little brothers entering my office. They greeted me with a quick bow, then set a hefty case before me on my desk.

7 replies

Spotlight Admin 1 month ago

I like that first line. I hope others share theirs.

Ian Garner Author 3 weeks ago

Anshul felt his arms quake as the power of his spell craft began to wane, and the heat that had burned deep within him gave way to icy chill as he regarded his friends. - Pact of the Nightmare Queen: Book Two of The Summerhost Saga

Adam L.V. Ellis Author 2 weeks ago

I'm intrigued by why he's chilly to friends.

It might open stronger without "felt" and "began." It might be be more readable as two sentences, too. I often need to be mindful of my sentence length since the public's reading level is dropping. I've been horrified by the things that trip some people up

Heath S Harding Author 2 weeks ago

I broke every fist paragraph rule with this novella...but it really is important for the story:

“Alex… shouldn’t you be at school?”
“Yeah, Mom. I overslept,” he mumbled, and pulled out a chair to sit across from his mom for breakfast. “My phone was on the fritz. The alarm didn’t go off.”

Adam L.V. Ellis Author 2 weeks ago

@heath-s-harding I think it kind of works, granted there's always the danger someone will not stick around long enough to see why you did something different or "incorrect"
At least you didn't start with him tossing and turning awake in bed

Tod Newman Author 1 week ago

Here's one of my favorite from my recent Western, https://spotlightonindie.com/books/the-rim-country
"The mule had strong opinions about the descent."

Adam L.V. Ellis Author 2 days ago

@tod-newman That only mildly intrigues me, but it also seems like an amusing line, so I'd probably read at a bit more

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